You may have heard of the female G-spot (which, btw, may or may not be real). You know, that area inside the vagina that is supposed to lead to super intense orgasms? Well, did you know that there’s also a male G-spot?
“The male G-spot is real. It’s just known as the prostate,” says Donna Oriowo, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex and relationship therapist based in Washington, D.C. and founder of AnnodRight. “We know it more readily as the prostate, and less readily as the male G-spot.”
For this reason, the male G-spot is also known as the “P-spot,” explains Bobby Box, an AASECT-certified sex educator for Lovehoney and journalist. Located between the base of the penis and the rectum, the prostate is a walnut-sized gland that plays a role in the production of semen, according to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. (The more you know.)
The G-spot (or “P-spot”) is an area that is dense with nerve endings, meaning it’s a delicious spot for mind-blowing pleasure. Yet, not many people know about it, and others are fearful to explore the prostate because of the cultural stigmas surrounding anal sex. FYI: If you’re a cis heterosexual man having sex with a woman, anal play is not gay. For one, this idea has roots in heterosexism and homophobia. Not to mention, it’s a stifling point for sexuality and exploring new territories of sexual pleasure. Think of all the toe-curling feels you may be missing out on.
While often overlooked, the booty is where the heart (ahem, oh-so-good-Os) is. In fact, according to a 2015 study published by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, prostate orgasms produce 12 muscle contractions, while penile orgasms only produce four to eight. In other words, male G-spot orgasms can be as much as three times stronger.
If you’re ready to explore all that the male G-spot has to offer, read on. Happy orgasming!
Meet the experts:
Donna Oriowo, PhD, is an AASECT-certified sex and relationship therapist based in Washington, D.C. and founder of AnnodRight.
Bobby Box is an AASECT-certified sex educator for Lovehoney and journalist who often reports on sex and culture.
Sari Cooper, LCSW, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City.
How do I prepare for anal play?
Before exploring the booty, there are just a couple of ground rules to go over first. After all, you don’t want to tear the anus or get anything lost up there. Safety is key, friends.
1. Get consent.
The first (and most important) prep step is obviously getting consent. Because you’re about to explore someone’s body, you want to make sure they actually want their body to be explored, so ask for consent, says Oriowo. In addition to getting the okay from your partner to play with their tush, you also want to outline what you plan to do to them so they can make an informed consensual decision.
2. Prep the area.
As a lot of bowel movements happen around the anus, if you want to ensure there’s no residue while playing with it, you might want to clean up beforehand. Of course, you can simply wipe the area. If you want an even deeper clean, you can use an anal douche or bulb to squeeze clean water into the rectum, says Sari Cooper, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City. According to a safety guide published by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, before douching, be sure to use lukewarm water (tap water is fine if you’re not douching every day) and don’t spray too much (the amount of water a bulb holds should be enough). Afterwards, allow some time for all the water to come out before getting it on. Maybe take that lull period as an opportunity to prep your play station. (Lube? Check.)
If you do get some residue on you, don’t get shy or weird about it. It’s human nature, after all.
3. Make sure your fingernails are filed.
The skin near the rectum is very thin, so if you’re going to be putting a finger up there then you’re going to want to trim or file the nails down to prevent any scratching, says Box. You can also use a glove to serve as a barrier, provided you and your partner aren’t allergic to latex (or, simply get latex-free ones).
4. Lube up!
Say it with me, “Lube is your best friend.” It’s not up for debate, you must use lube when engaging with the anus. Our bums don’t self-lubricate like vaginas, so a liberal use of lube is required for optimal comfort, explains Box.
Generally speaking, water-based lube is your best bet as most people don’t have sensitivities towards this type of lubrication. However, silicone-based lube does offer a bit more slip and doesn’t tend to dry out as easily, says Oriowo. So you might want to give silicone-based lube a try if you’re looking for peak slippage (again, accounting for allergies here).
A brief Lube 101: If you’re using a silicone toy, you should avoid silicone-based lubes as it can deteriorate the toy over time. And while silicone-based lubes are good to use with condoms, oil-based lubes are not.
If your lube is drying out, that means it’s definitely prime time to reapply.
Did you know you can eat lube? Watch these guys taste test some lubes of the flavored variety (Yum!):
How do I find the male G-spot?
Now that you’re all prepped, here are some tips and tricks for finding the male G-spot, according to experts:
1. Get them into position.
For easy access to the prostate, you’re going to want to invite your partner to lay down on their back and raise their knees towards their shoulders or have them get on all fours, a.k.a. doggy style, says Cooper.
2. Massage the area.
To relax the anus for penetration, massage the outside area. You can do this by moving your fingers (or toy or penis) in a circular motion, explains Cooper. This is also a great opportunity to remind your partner to breathe.
3. Don’t forget foreplay.
As a wise person once said (probably), “Foreplay is the best play.” In all seriousness, the arousal from stimulating the genitals can help the sphincter muscles, outside and inside the anus, relax as well as make the prostate easier to pinpoint as arousal causes it to swell, explains Box. So don’t forget to turn on your partner with a bit of hand or tongue action before going all in.
4. Start with a finger.
If this is your first time experimenting with anal play, it’s generally recommended your start with a finger (they come in five different sizes and they’re free!). You’re going to take your finger, palm up, and insert it slowly into the anus, towards the belly button (about two inches) until you feel something bulbous, says Box. Hand, meet prostate!
5. Go slowly.
You’ll want to go slow and steady when inserting anything up there as an inch inside the anus, you might meet some resistance from the internal sphincter. You don’t want to force your way through this muscle, instead slowly massage the area with your finger, toy or penis until the muscle relaxes, explains Box. “You will physically feel this as it will become easier to push further.”
How do I stimulate the male G-spot?
So, you’ve found the G-spot—yay! You’re one step closer to becoming a pro. To increase your chances of giving your partner (or yourself) an earth-shattering O, the next step is to stimulate it. Without further ado, here are some expert-approved ways to do just that:
1. Perform a “come hither” motion.
Once you hit the G-spot with your finger, to stimulate it you’re going to want to perform a “come hither” motion as if you’re beckoning a gentleman caller into your bedroom, says Box. While you’re doing this, make sure you are stroking upwards toward the belly.
2. Play with different sensations.
The “come hither” motion isn’t the only way to stimulate the G-spot. You can also tap it (using the same pressure you would when ringing a doorbell), trace small circles around it, and even wiggle it. You can also try changing pressures, whatever feels good for you or your partner, says Box.
Pro tip: Applying too much pressure to the prostate can sometimes make you feel like you have to pee, so if they’re nervous about that, maybe give them an opportunity to empty their tank before getting started, explains Oriowo.
3. Incorporate toys.
When it comes to toys, prostate massagers are the most effective option because they’re specifically designed to stimulate the gland, says Box. Luckily, there are a bunch of toys made for anal play out in the market right now, so simply pick your fav and go from there.
Reminder: Any anal toy must have a flared base “because the booty is known to suck it all up, and say it’s mine now,” says Oriowo. Unless you want to make an expensive ass (get it?) trip to the hospital, make sure you’re buying the appropriate toy the first time.
4. Stimulate it from the outside.
ICYMI: The prostate can also be stimulated externally by feeling the area along the perineum, the swath of skin between the anus and the scrotum, says Box. The technique is the same as finding the G-spot internally; you want to feel for something bulbous. But since you’re further away from the prostate, you might need to apply more pressure.
You can also use sex toys on the perineum. Something that’s firm, vibrates, or has a big bulb on the end should work well, adds Box.
5. When close to climax, stay the course!
While you’ll want to switch things up during play as our nerves get bored when the same techniques are used over and over (IYKYK), there’s an exception to this rule and that’s when you’re about to hit climax, a.k.a you’re close to orgasming. “When that happens, it’s often best to stay the course,” explains Box.
6. Don’t forget to debrief.
While often overlooked, debriefing after sex is so, so important, especially when experimenting with a new form of play. If it’s your first time, the experience might feel like the first time you’ve ever had sex, meaning it might be a little awkward and there might be a few fumbles, says Oriowo.
To ensure that the next time you play it’s a little less awkward, and perhaps more enjoyable, for all parties, be sure to ask: What was great about it? What was not so great? What would you like to do differently next time?
In addition to checking in after sex, don’t forget to check in during sex as well. Oriowo shares that the absence of pain does not mean the presence of pleasure, so rather than asking “Does it hurt?” instead ask, “Does it feel good?”
Why are men so afraid of the male G-spot?
There are many reasons why the male G-spot often remains unexplored, especially by cishet men. For one, there’s the social script that anal sex is “gay” that many people grew up with. “For some reason, anal play has been designated as something gay men primarily do,” says Box. As a result, some men won’t ask their partners to engage in anal play for fear of having their sexuality questioned. Similarly, women won’t ask their partner if that’s something they might be interested in for fear of offending them, explains Oriowo.
Social conditioning has also made it so anal sex is thought to be emasculating. “If someone is being penetrated, there is a common view that this person is the more submissive partner of the couple,” explains Cooper. “And many men are still raised to believe that their very masculinity lies in being dominant and being heterosexual.”
Newsflash: Our body parts don’t have sexual orientations, people do. If you’re a straight man having sex with a women, there’s no sex you can have that would make it gay.
The truth is that sexual liberation and increased sexual pleasure lies on the other side of stifling societal narratives. “Pleasure is often on the other side of our hang ups, and half of these hang ups are not even ours—they were gifted to us, which means that we can choose to give them back, so that we can create a new sexual script for ourselves that honors us and our desires,” affirms Oriowo.
So don’t be afraid of the tush! By opening up your mind and your cheeks, you can discover a whole new world of pleasure.
Naydeline Mejia is an assistant editor at Women’s Health, where she covers sex, relationships, and lifestyle for WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine. She is a proud graduate of Baruch College and has more than two years of experience writing and editing lifestyle content. When she’s not writing, you can find her thrift-shopping, binge-watching whatever reality dating show is trending at the moment, and spending countless hours scrolling through Pinterest.